I can’t believe that my grandfather really passed away 2 years ago on this day. I don’t know what to say. Since morning I have been trying to hide my tears but it’s no use. There hasn’t been a day where I haven’t missed him or haven’t felt guilty that I never spent time with him. I never knew it then but my grandfather is my real and true hero. I remember the time when he used to shout at my parents for not getting me what I want.
I didn’t blog the whole week because I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown and well here it is. A big break down. This break down is nothing compared to the one he gave me when he died but it still hurts. He is gone, he left me all alone. People say time heals all pain but what about the guilt?? The guilt of not being there for him. The guilt of avoiding him for the stupid luxuries that mean nothing to me now. I feel the guilt every day and each and every day it increases and increases. This is so hard for me. I act so strong and so happy but those very close to me know that I am broken inside. I am gradually forgetting the meaning of true laughter because I know what I did was wrong.
You know, talking to a stranger who is reading your blog is not a better idea than talking to your family about your feelings. I can’t talk to anyone because talking is not my strength. I write my feelings out and that’s why I do this post. I know this might sound stupid to you all but I couldn’t stop myself from writing this.
I don’t need to say with your family as we are all home but I will tell you this, talk to them don’t get stuck in your phones and friends. Both of them won’t last forever either but when you lose a family member, it will hurt a lot too. Just spend most of your time with them.
Make memories people because many unfortunates like me don’t have many memories to cherish their most beloved person. I can’t write anymore, it’s just too hard for me today. He wanted to watch me grow up, he didn’t get that. I want him to watch me study and make him proud, I didn’t get that too. I will always miss him. Always, every day, forever…